Skulduggery Pleasant Spoof: The Play
by ValkyrieCain4Ever
Summary: The Sanctuary needs insurance money, and what better way to do that then a play. Valkyrie, Skulduggery and the rest of the Sanctuary, stage a production of 'The Lion King,' which ends up being viewed by an audience of their enemies. But things begin to get out of hand when relationships are involved.
1. Chapter 1: The Beginning

Valkyrie Cain scowled as she stood in the backstage area of the theatre, holding her costume in her hands. "This sucks, why do we have to do this again?"

"Because," Skulduggery Pleasant responded. "The Sanctuary needs money for insurance."

"Why do they need insurance money?"

"To be put bluntly, us."

"Why us?"

"Apparently, according to their statistics, since you and I have become partners, accidents and destruction have been up."

"So?"

"So, with more destruction and accidents comes more injuries and the Sanctuary needs money to cover the insurance."

"So we have to put on costumes and make fools of ourselves."

"Exactly."

"I hate this."

"We all do."

Just then, Fletcher Renn walked into the room saying, "This is going to be so much fun! Mist said that I get to have a solo too!"

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?"

"Yep," Fletcher said proudly.

"What part do you have?"

"Simba."

"So got the lead."

"Yes. Who do you have?"

"Nala."

Fletcher stopped. "Oh. So, you and me are going to be the love interests too?"

"Yes."

"That's… great."

"Yeah."

A slightly awkward silence followed until Skulduggery broke it by yelling "I die in this?!"

_Weeks later….._

Billy-Ray Sanguine and his newly possessed girlfriend, Tanith Low, made their way down into the theatre, finding a seat in the middle row. They were early for the performance, one of the first there. The Texan scowled.

"Why are we here again?" he asked.

"Because," Tanith replied. "They are my friends and I want to support them. Besides, you were the one complaining we had nothing to do."

Sanguine grumbled something dark under his breath, crossing his arms over his chest.

_Two hours later…._

Dusk arrived at the theatre and walked into the auditorium, trying to find a seat. The place was packed; it looked like everyone else had the same idea he did. To watch their enemies dance around in costumes on a stage like idiots.

After a few minutes of looking, he realized that the only empty seats were next to-

"Sanguine," Dusk grumbled.

Sanguine looked up. "Dusk?" he said in surprise. "What're ya doin' here?"

"I had nothing else to do, thought I'd watch my enemies humiliate themselves in public. I'm assuming that's why you're here as well?"

"It was mostly Tanith's idea, but yeah."

Tanith poked her head around Sanguine. "What about me?"

"It was your idea to come here."

"I took you that long to figure that out?"

"No, I've known it all along."

"Then why did you keep asking why we were here?"

"Because-

"Eh whatever," Tanith waved her hand and went back to playing around on her phone. Dusk just shook his head and sat down next to Sanguine.

They sat in silence for a while until another familiar voice was heard.

"Sanguine? Dusk?"

Both men looked up to see Spring-heeled Jack standing on front of them. Sanguine frowned.

"What are ya doin' here?"

"I'm guessin' the same you are," Jack replied. "And there aren't any seats left so…"

Before either of the other two men could object, Jack flopped into the empty seat beside Dusk. Dusk growled and shifted slightly. This was _ not_ going as planned.

**Review please! :)**


	2. Chapter 2: The First Scene

Soon, the lights dimmed and the spotlights focused on the curtain. It opened, revealing a set of Pride Rock from the 'Lion King,' which was just some boxes with a bad grey paint job. Zombies were dressed up in random animal costumes and looked confused on what was going on. It started out with the opening music from the movie played on a soundtrack. More lights turned on suddenly and if Sanguine had eyes he would have been momentarily blinded. He couldn't help but grin when he saw Skulduggery Pleasant and China Sorrows dressed up as the king and queen. Skulduggery ruined the look though by having one of his signature hats on top of his costume.

Dexter Vex appeared in a monkey suit, obviously Rafiki, and made his way up to Pride Rock. China turned behind her then pulled out an excited Fletcher Renn dressed up like Simba. The spiky-haired boy seemed to be the only one excited about the play.

Dexter climbed up onto Pride Rock, slipping off a couple times because he kept tripping on his tail. When he finally got to Skulduggery, China, and Fletcher he scowled then said loudly in a monotone voice, "Hello my old friend."

"Hello Rafiki," Skulduggery replied in a similar tone. "How are you?"

"I am well." Dexter peered at Fletcher with slight distaste. "This must be the new son."

"Yes. His name is Simba."

Dexter hesitated, the look on his face one of bewilderment. After a few moments he continued with "I shall now anoint the child."

He reached around to grab at the stick he was carrying but it was knocked out of reach by his foot. Swearing, Dexter began to run around in a circle trying to grab onto the stick but failing miserably. China finally reached over and ripped the staff out of the holder on his shoulder, ripping the costume in the process. The piece of fabric fell down to reveal him in nothing but his boxers.

Instantly every single female in the building started whistling and clapping. Dexter looked out at the audience, flashed a grin, then proceeded to dance. The cheering got louder until Madame Mist walked out onto the stage, grabbed Dexter by the arm, and dragged him away.

Dexter waved, still smiling, until he disappeared from view. There was a minute of silence while the clapping went down and the actors snapped out of their shock.

China sighed. "Fine I'll do it." She grabbed one of the plastic balls off the stick and cracked it in half then flicked the liquid inside at Fletcher.

This was followed with scattered clapping from the assembled zombies. Most of them still looked confused like they didn't understand what was going on.

"There. Done. Can we go now?" China asked.

Skulduggery peered off stage, waited, then nodded. "Yep, we're done. At least with this scene."

The curtain dropped and Sanguine clapped, laughing. "Okay," he got out. "That was pretty funny."

He looked at Tanith, who was laughing as well, then at Dusk, who still looked annoyed, and at Jack, who was laughing and eating some snacks.

Sanguine frowned at the monster. "Where'd ya get the candy?"

Jack paused in his laughing to turn to Sanguine. "I robbed a store for food right before I came here."

"Oh." Sanguine leaned back in his chair, thinking. _Why didn't I think of that_?

"Glad I talked you into coming?" Tanith asked with a smile.

"I'm startin' to come around," Sanguine replied with a smirk.

**Hey guys! Sorry this update took forever, I just got busy with stuff. I know this chapter was kind of short, and I promise the chapters WILL get longer.**

**I might even do some flash backs to what their rehearsals were like, and I will take ideas for what could happen.**

**Please review and tell me what you think! :)**


End file.
